From Avoidance
to Aliveness
Do you ever feel like you’re living life from the outside in?
Like you're performing strength while secretly carrying a quiet ache you don’t know how to name?
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Maybe you’ve achieved things, built a life—but still feel disconnected, reactive, or deeply alone.
If any part of that speaks to you,
I WANT YOU TO KNOW SOMETHING:
You’re not broken.
You’re not weak.
You’re not the only one.
I know this not just because I’ve coached hundreds
of people through these exact feelings—
BUT BECAUSE I'VE LIVED IT
The Early Imprint: Alone in the World
I was born in Soviet Estonia in 1977. A culture where fear was woven into the air. Where expressing emotion could get you hurt—or worse. Where silence was safety, and suppression was survival.
My father left when I was just a toddler. My mother was overwhelmed, struggling, and emotionally unavailable. Love, when it came, was inconsistent—sometimes warm, often chaotic, sometimes not there at all. I learned early: Don’t rely on anyone. Don’t show weakness. Don’t feel too much.
When I was 10, we moved to Finland. A new country. A new language. A boy without roots. That’s when the bullying started. I was mocked, isolated, made to feel like I didn’t belong anywhere. I felt invisible—but also deeply exposed. Every cell in my body tightened around one belief: It’s not safe to be seen. The Making of an Avoidant. Looking back now, it’s so clear. I was perfectly set up to become avoidantly attached.
I built a life of radical self-sufficiency. Hyper-independence masked as strength. I became a master of appearing calm while emotionally shutting down. I could be charming, helpful, successful— But inside, I was terrified of being vulnerable. Terrified of needing anyone. For years, I confused control with safety. I pushed love away when it got too close. I chased spiritual highs and career success, but stayed emotionally underdeveloped. A Devoted Seeker, Still Not Free. Eventually, like many who’ve known early trauma, I turned toward spirituality. And I dove in headfirst.
I practiced five hours a day: Two hours of Kriya Yoga. Two and a half hours of Ashtanga. Thirty minutes of mantra chanting. I was initiated into the deepest levels of Kriya, including a 9-day intensive initiation. I sat Vipassana. Did plant ceremonies with multiple indigenous traditions. Trained in breathwork with Wim Hof and Olaf Hartmann. Immersed myself in mystery traditions, shadow work, energetic healing, and NLP. I sat with masters across the world. And I am deeply, deeply grateful for every single teacher and tradition that shaped me.
But here’s what I now know to be true:
I was using spirituality to avoid my humanity.
I thought I was awakening.
But I wasn’t free.
I was floating above my pain—not healing it.
I had built a spiritual identity. But I still couldn’t sit in a vulnerable conversation with a partner. Still couldn’t feel safe in my own nervous system. Still couldn’t fully love or let myself be loved.
The Real Work Begins
The true turning point wasn’t another ceremony, or book, or meditation.
It was when I finally slowed down… and told the truth.
I admitted:
I don’t feel safe in my body.
I don’t trust love.
I don’t know how to stay when things get hard.
That’s when the real work began.
I stopped outsourcing my power to external practices—and started creating rituals that brought me back into my body. I developed The Pyramid Breath Method®️—a synthesis of everything I’d studied, but rooted in what actually works: Breath, sound, and movement—combined to disarm the mind and regulate the nervous system. A method to unlock trapped energy, rewrite emotional memory, and reclaim embodiment.
Alongside that, I committed to Co-Devotional Communication—a relationship framework that values honesty over ego, and vulnerability over control. Where we speak our fears, own our stories, and stop making each other wrong. I grounded my work in the disciplines of psychology, trauma theory, NLP, and human energetics, weaving ancient wisdom with modern tools. I began to coach—not from theory—but from direct experience. Helping people go from dysregulated and disconnected…
to clear, present, and powerfully alive.
What I Know Now
If you feel stuck in survival mode…
If you keep repeating the same relational patterns…
If you're outwardly functional but inwardly numb, reactive, or chronically tired…
It doesn’t mean you’re broken.
It means your system learned to survive—and it hasn’t yet learned how to feel safe thriving.
You don’t have to carry it all alone.
You don’t have to numb it, bypass it, or rise above it.
You get to feel it, express it, and alchemize it.
That’s what I help people do.
This Is For You If
You’re tired of managing your emotions instead of mastering them
You crave depth in your relationships but feel yourself pulling away
You want to lead with your heart—but don’t feel safe being vulnerable
You’ve done the “work,” but still feel stuck, tense, or numb
You know there’s more to life—and more to you—than how you’ve been living
The Invitation
This isn’t therapy.
This isn’t another tool or technique.
This is a path back to your body, your truth, and your freedom.
Through breath, communication, and nervous system recalibration, we’ll rewrite your patterns—at the root.
I work with men, women, and couples ready to stop performing and start embodying.
Not perfectly—but powerfully.
If you’re ready to feel again—fully, safely, beautifully—
I’m here.
